Surviving is not enough.

Surviving is not enough.

the solution to a culinary issue that arose in a dream i had last night

Graham cracker falafel with tahini-style peanut butter sauce.

Also it could be called

Also it could be called "Perfunctory Revelations".

Happy New Year

You're not getting scene one.

Oh, medical humor.

1: So, what branch of medicine are you involved in?
2: I'm an oncologist.
1: Oh, tumors and stuff, huh?
2: No, I work in an ER, it just seems like I spend my life ON CALL.

You may use this title, but only for something really good.

Adjust a gigolo.

Thresholds.

Meeting a celebrity is exciting.
Lower your concept of celebrity and meeting people can be exciting, too.

Bugs.

"Bugs" is actually a totally sweet name.

Tubach

Someone should get on this:
Write all tuba arrangements of some Bach pieces (might I recommend quartets as a place to start), get them recorded, and then remix the result with all Tupac vocals and some beats. Gold. It's all gold.

sad family issues vs. all-out rumpus

The Hollywood film industry is like a friend of your dad's who seemed super awesome when you were growing up, but that you're old enough to really understand people you can see that he's a misinformed lecherous mess and you don't really want to deal with him most of the time, but also sometimes when he comes to Thanksgiving he gets drunk and hits on your aunt and then punches a cousin and passes out in gravy and that can be (though it doesn't have to be) pretty funny.

Right now we're having a feud, the film industry and I, where it has decided to go through my childhood and ruin everything I loved, one by one. A few examples: Transformers, Indiana Jones, Willy Wonka, Rocky and Bullwinkle, GI Joe, and the Wild Things.

It is my hope that perhaps we can push this trend to the extreme and start making things that are clearly based on my (and our collective) beloved childhood, but are not even a little bit trying to recapture it. Let's own that we're ruining things and push it as far as we can. Here then is my pitch for the next film I would like to see come out of this:


Gummi Bears: the (live action) Movie

The gummi bears should be portrayed by people in foam suits, a la Teletubbies, but with the actors' faces uncovered. All sets should be scaled up to make these people look small, and anyone portraying a person should be green-screened in to seem huge. The ogres should be a muppet/cgi combo.

The plot will focus around Duke Igthorn trying to become invincible and immortal and it should include the Barbic Gummis, Lady Bane, and a wizard. Things should blow up, and there should be battles that feel like they belong in the Lord of the Rings. Also Cavin should come of age. There should be some really uncomfortable sexual tension.

Cast -
Cavin: Michael Cera
Igthorn: Christopher Guest
Gruffi: Dean Stockwell
Zummi: Dustin Hoffman
Grammi: Kathy Bates
Tummi: Zach Galifianakis
Sunni: Ellen Page
Cubbi: Emile Hirsch

A sad sad story

I went to a flea market today. A man was selling some old cameras including a nineteen-forty-something 8mm motion film camera that so small I could palm it and you would not know it was in my hand. The lens (and by lens I mean the entire mechanism, not just the glass) had a diameter of about two thirds of a dime. It was amazing. And adorable. I was admiring it and the man came over and first told me that it was too old to be used to take pictures, and then told me that he wanted twenty-five dollars for it. I had been thinking more along the lines of fifteen (though, of course, at this point in my life money has a pretty inflated meaning for me, so even fifteen is a lot), so I did not purchase the camera. I got to thinking later, though, that it must be sad for a thing like a camera to become something that is worth more to a person operating as a collector as an unwanted collectible than to a person operating as an artist as a tool for creation.

I hope, of course, that someone who wants to shoot 8mm finds it and buys it and loves it. I don't want it to spend any part of its productive life not living up to its potential.

a flash mob?

Here is a fun game to play with friends:

You will need a place where people are at. I like tourists. Anywhere with a crowd (but it is nice if that crowd might have some cameras). You will need, also, several friends. You and your friends will go to the place with your own cameras (also you need cameras) and you will take pictures of each other taking pictures. The goal is to get as many pictures of the other players taking pictures as possible without being noticed by the people you are photographing. The secondary goal is to notice anyone who is taking a picture of you and make sure they do not get a shot of you taking a shot.

Go. Play.

On compliments.

If a person is one in a million, wouldn't that mean that there are almost seven thousand other people exactly like them?

patron of the everlovin' arts

Someone should make a website in the social networking style wherein artists may sign up for a page and show off what they do. They could maybe sell their work from there, in the name of strict capitalism, but that is not what it is really about. Also people may find work they like and make direct contributions, which would be really nice, but also is not the meat of the site. The meat is where rich people who love art can find artists they want to date and try to woo them on the internet.


This is a really good idea. If anyone wants to make it but wants help with figuring out details, I'm all over giving you a hand.

Which side are you on?

Kettle corn vs. unicorn.

A line of dialogue for you to use.

"He's a real dick in wolf's clothing."

It has taken me a long time to get here.

I have, for as long as I can remember, been the unwilling recipient of a few specific adjectives (or descriptive phrases): unique, full of potential, strange, idiotic, and a few others in a similar vein. I reject (and have forever rejected) them all.

However, I have, in the last few days, while watching videos that film students have made and placed on the internet (presumably because they were proud of them) come to accept that I do have a different aesthetic than many (perhaps even the majority of) other people.

Sadly, it is impossible.

You know what would make an amazing film?
An early-career Bill Murray obliviously following and irritating a depressed late-career Bill Murray.

I wish I had the attention span and literary chops to throw down a manifesto proper.

When making a film (or video for the internet, even), it is not important to show life as it is. We all know it. Show life as it happens post-processing; after the brain has finished considering and tainting it. That is what makes the film a necessary step in the storytelling.