Purely scientific observations on myself.

Frequently I am unemployed. At the moment I am at the end of a two-week period of waiting for a job I just got to start, so for the last several days I have been just floating, trying to not spend the very little money I have. Mostly I am in or walking around near the condo. My circadian rhythm has been shifting, and I have been letting it, I think, for science and curiosity and lack of deterrent. I seem to be going to sleep and, consequently, waking up between half an hour and forty-five minutes later each day.

At first I thought I was cycling. My rhythm seems to be slightly longer than the earth/sun's, so I figured I would drift out of synch with the world and then, given enough time, back in and through again. I am not given enough time, however, and am just sliding into the nighttime, which makes me think that I have no reason to assume that my rhythm is pushing me around and not just shifting me into another place. Perhaps I'm naturally drifting into the dark and quiet hours, since they seem to be when I am the most comfortable walking around. Perhaps I'm just disappearing from the daytime world.

A new thought occurs to me, though. When I am awake, I am busy. I am working on projects, I am doing crosswords, I am reading, I am watching a movie, I am cooking, I am thinking hard while out on a walk, I am exercising. When I am asleep, I am busy. I am dreaming of walking and thinking and creeping and peeking and leaping. It is that one long twilight moment, when I have ceased to fidget and figure, when I am waiting for sleep to take me, that I am lonely. It is the only part of the day where I can feel how alone I am. Maybe I am just putting that moment off every day. Just pushing it back, and that's causing the drift.